My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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