I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
