i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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