I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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