i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Two words: blizzard sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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