So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
