The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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