Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
