Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
