All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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