In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
