Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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