I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
