Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
