i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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