in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
