am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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