What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A+ Viking dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
