Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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