Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
