My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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