Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
God gave him joint rollers for hands
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
