I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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