Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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