How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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