STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
