Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
