her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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