In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
