I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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