I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
