Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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