So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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