I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
