i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
