I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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