so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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