Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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