would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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