dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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