She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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