If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
