The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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