i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize