I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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