The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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