just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
