i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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