Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
