forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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