I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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