I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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