So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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