omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
