There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
