you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
