I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
