there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
