How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
