I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize