Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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