Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize