remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
