GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
