Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
