worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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