What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
