we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
