I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
